You Can Change How You Feel

Welcome to Expand Your Life Podcast. This is Jc Jones, and you’re listening to Episode 16.

Today I’ll be discussing question #13 of the Self Awareness Workbook. If you want to check that out, it’s completely free, and you can find it at expandyourlifepodcast.com/resource. I’ll also stick a link to that in the Show Notes page for you today.  

Today’s question is, how do I currently feel about myself? Did you know that how you feel about yourself is a direct reflection of the thoughts that you have? Today I’m going to share with you a concept about thoughts that, well, hopefully change how you view yourself. I’d heard bits and pieces about this concept over the years, but it wasn’t until a few years ago that I was listening to a podcast called The Life Coach School by Brooke Castillo that I heard it explained in a more complete way, In an easy to understand way. If you’d like to check her podcast out, I’ll put a link to that in the Show Notes page also.  

The first part of this that we’ll talk about is what triggers a thought. Circumstances trigger thoughts and the beliefs that we have around those circumstances determine those thoughts. They determine the thoughts that we have about those circumstances. For instance, let’s say the circumstances is you get laid off from your job. Whatever belief you have around the circumstance of being laid off will determine the thoughts that you have about it. If you have a belief that everything happens for a reason, the thoughts that you have around being laid off are going to be different than if you have a belief that only poor workers get laid off from their jobs. Different beliefs about the same circumstance can trigger completely different thoughts. So our thoughts are created by the beliefs that we have about a circumstance.  

Next step. Our thoughts create how we feel. So let’s stick with our original example on this about being laid off from your job. If your belief around that circumstances everything happens for a reason, some thoughts that this might create would be more on the positive or optimistic side of things. Well, if everything happens for a reason, maybe I’m meant to have a different job or a better job. Maybe there’s something better for me out there. Those are some of the thoughts that might be created by the belief that everything happens for a reason. Now, on the other hand, if you have a belief that only poor workers get laid off, the thoughts that are created by this belief are going to be more negative and pessimistic. Some of these thoughts might be: You’re a loser. You’re not good at what you do. Nobody wants you to work for them. So you can see how different beliefs can trigger different thoughts around the same exact circumstance.  

Next up is your thoughts are what created you, how you feel. They determine the feelings that you have, whether you’re sad, mad, happy, angry. All of these feelings stem from a thought. If your thoughts are telling you that you’re not good at your job, nobody wants to hire you. How do you think those thoughts might make you feel? I could think of a whole slew of things this might make me feel. Resentfull,  embarrassed, maybe anxious or scared, overwhelmed, discouraged, distrustful disillusionment. All of these feelings can be created by these thoughts. Now what feelings do you think might be created by the thoughts that maybe you’re meant to have a better job or a different job? Maybe there’s something better out there for you. What feelings will these thoughts create? Maybe inspired, excited about new possibilities, curious or eager to figure out your next step? Can you see that the thoughts you have about any circumstance are going to determine the feelings that you have about the situation or even about yourself?  

Once you see this, you have to ask yourself. Okay, so now that I’m feeling this way, what do my feelings do? What is their role in all of this? Well, your feelings are what causes you to either take action, have a reaction or can even cause inaction. Let’s look at this just for a minute. In situation number one you were laid off. Your belief about that circumstance was everything happens for a reason. This created thoughts like you’re meant to have a better a different job or there’s something better out there for you. Which created positive feelings in you of inspiration, excitement, optimism, being curious and eager to find your new job. So what do these feelings create in you at this point? What actions inactions or reactions might you have because of how you feel? Well, you would be more motivated to get out there and look for another job. You might actually look for something better than the job that you had before. You might even decide to go back to school and get a little bit more education to better your skills in order to get a better paying job or a job that you would enjoy more. You would have motivation to do this. You would have a good attitude about doing it. So we can see that these more positive feelings that you have about yourself and your circumstances and your abilities are causing you to take action. To take a positive action towards your betterment or the betterment of the job or the betterment of your circumstance.  

These actions are what will create the results that you have. What results do you think you might have by taking these actions? Well, you’re going to either have a better job, a job that you like more, or you’re going to have a plan in place for getting an education to create those results. All of the actions, inactions or reactions that we have based on how we feel about ourselves or about a situation are going to determine the results that we have.  

Let’s look at the opposite view. The more negative side of this situation. You’re feeling like a loser because you lost your job. You feel like you can’t do any better in your life. You’re super depressed. You’re unmotivated. What kind of actions, reactions or inactions do you think you might have because of these feelings? If I personally felt this way about myself, I would probably be very unmotivated to do anything. I would be depressed, and want to sit around. It will probably take me longer to find another job, and it would probably be something that’s not even as good as the job I had before. I definitely wouldn’t think about going back to school because I would have limiting beliefs about my abilities at this point because of the feelings I have about myself. So in this scenario, I’d probably have a lot more inaction than action. I might even have some reaction Being angry at my previous employer, possibly taking it out on those around me. Those are all reactions that are caused by how we feel. So then, if I have thes inactions or reactions based on feeling like crap about myself, what do you think my results are going to be? I’ve seen some people in this scenario who end up being unemployed for extended period of times because they just don’t believe they’re worthy to be employed. They don’t know where to start. They don’t have any motivation. They no longer have belief in themselves or their capabilities or they’re worth. 

So from these two examples, can you see how important the thoughts we have are? How they can determine the results we have? Okay, let’s do a quick recap on what we’ve learned so far:

#1 – Your beliefs about yourself create the thoughts that you have.  

#2 – Your thoughts determine how you feel about yourself.  

#3 – How you feel about yourself influences all of your actions, reactions and inaction.  

#4 – All of these actions, reactions and inactions determines your results.  

The first thing I would recommend you do at this point is start becoming aware of the thoughts that you have. We have thousands of thoughts in our minds every day that we aren’t even aware of. They just run in the background and they’ve been with us for so long that we don’t even notice them. So becoming aware of these thoughts is important to do.  

You can’t change your thoughts or create a new way of thinking until you first become aware of the thoughts that you’re having right now.  

How do you do that? Well, I’ll share with you what I did when I first started this process that was very helpful for me. I simply took a day where I wasn’t working and I set my timer on my phone for 20 minute intervals, and every time it would go off, I would simply write down what I was thinking about. I did this as much as possible throughout the day and for as many days as I could. Surprisingly enough, it really does not take as long as you have think for you to be able to train your brain to notice your thoughts.  

And as you’re doing this, start noticing the negative or limiting thoughts that you have. Start noticing the patterns of when you have these thoughts. What triggers them? What happens right before you have them? As you notice those negative or limiting thoughts, ask yourself, Why do I think this? Do these thoughts benefit me? You could even ask yourself What in my past has created the belief behind this thought? How does this thought make me feel? What are some of the actions, reactions or inactions feeling that way causes? And what results do I have from these?  

Now it’s true. You can’t control the automatic thoughts that come into your mind. What you can control is whether or not you keep them. You can either keep them dwell on them, allow them to control how you feel and to control the results that you have, or you can change them. Change your focus. Change the types of thoughts that you’re having When you notice the negative or limiting thought, change your focus. Focus on positives. On gratitude. Start replacing those negative thoughts, those limiting thoughts as you notice them. Start creating a new way of feeling about yourself. 

If you need some help getting started on this process, I’ve created a little workbook you can download. It’s on the free resource page at expandyourlifepodcast.com/resource. I’ll stick a link to that in the Show Notes page for you too.  

And in closing today, I just want to say that this method is something that has completely changed my life and how I live my life and the thoughts that I have about myself, my worth, my abilities. I’m continually using this method to help myself. This is the one thing that has moved me forward faster in my personal development journey than anything else. Which is why I wanted to make sure to share it with you today. It’s a fascinating thing for me to see why I do the things I do. What’s behind those things and to realize that I have a choice of creating something different for myself. I hope you try it out. I know if you do, it will benefit you, too.  

All right, Next week. It’s Christmas time. I’m just going to do a short Christmas message next week. It’s going to be covering some of the things I’ve been thinking about lately. Thoughts that I’ve had about what I want this time of year to look and feel like versus what it actually looks and feels like right now. Just some interesting thoughts that I’ve had that I’d like to share with you. 

And the week after that, we’ll be going over what’s coming up in the new year. So make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you’ll get updates and notifications when new episodes released. Have a Great week. Bye for now.