Episode 22 – Show Notes
The question, Who am I? is not just about how you view yourself, but also how you act, react, think, feel, your likes and dislikes, your personality, your values, and your hopes and dreams. It is everything that makes you – you. Join me today as I discuss:
Today On Expand Your Life Podcast
- Why it’s easier to lose a sense of self than to keep it
- Why it’s necessary to prioritize you
- What circumstances create a loss of identity
- What to do when you’re already lost
- Reinventing yourself
- Creating strong unbreakable values with boundaries
- Keeping who you are front and center
Welcome to Expand Your Life Podcast. This is Jc Jones and you’re listening to Episode 22.
Welcome back everyone. I hope you had a great week. Today we’re going to talk about the question. Who am I?
There are many things in life that can cause us to feel like we’re having a bit of an identity crisis. Some things like:
- Change of life
- kids moving away
- a relationship ending
- a relationship starting
- a new job
Any big changes can create a feeling that you’re not really sure who you are anymore. Most of the time, it’s a gradual thing that happens over a period of years that you don’t even notice. And then all of a sudden one day you wake up and you’re like, Wow, who the hell am I? What the hell happened to me?
Your identity is simply how you view yourself and how others view you. The question, Who am I? is not just about how you view yourself, but also:
- how you act
- your likes and dislikes
- your personality
- your values
- your hopes and dreams
Basically, it’s everything that makes you – you. And the sad part about it is, it’s so much easier to lose sight of who you are than to keep your identity intact. To keep a sense of who you are intact in your own mind. Why is this?
Because identity takes time, takes effort, takes nurturing. We spend so much time nurturing our children and our husbands and our loved ones and our job and everything else in our lives, that we forget to continually nurture ourselves also.
Everything about us takes a back seat. Whether it’s taking care of ourselves physically, mentally or emotionally. All those things, we tend to put behind everything else. Everything else in life we elevate and put a higher level of importance on, when in reality, it should be the other way around.
Your mental health, your emotional health, your state of happiness in life and just general satisfaction with your life creates a better mother, a better wife, a better friend, a better employee. Taking care of yourself first makes you better for everyone around you and for yourself.
It’s not selfish or self-centered. It’s completely necessary.
Think about how miserable you are when you don’t take care of yourself. Think about how that affects your relationships. How you feel about yourself and how you feel about your life has a direct impact on every other area of your life.
Where To Start Finding You
So what do you do if you feel like you’ve already lost that sense of who you are, lost your identity, and you’re questioning who you are? Think back to a time in your life where you knew who you were.
Look at the values that you had. Then, look at how you viewed your life.
- What things did you do?
- What things did you enjoy doing?
- What did you spend your free time on?
- What hobbies did you have?
- How did you dress?
- How did you style your hair?
- What kind of clothes did you wear?
Look at every little thing about who that person was and that will give you a lot of ideas on how to get back to that person.
As an example, I’ll tell you what I did. I had for many years after having kids and being married, I had well, I’ll just describe myself. I had a very blah haircut with very mousy colored hair. Wore the same colored glasses for many years. Everything about me had just gotten very blah. My clothes were very what I consider blah mommy clothes. Nothing that really inspired any kind of excitement from me. I remember back, too, when I was younger, and I always felt a little edgy. Well, when I was really young, I guess a lot edgy.
I did things like getting mohawks and wearing radical clothes. That was in my teen years as an adult. I still kept the edginess. It was a part of me. That’s who I identified as. It was fun for me being just a little bit on the edgy side. edgy little haircut, certain clothes that weren’t necessarily mousey.
But I had gotten away from who I was because my husband at the time was quite judgmental about women who got their hair cut or colored or fussed too much, or wore makeup, or got their nails done, or wore toe rings like I did, or got tattoos or pierced their nose.
And so I never did any of those things. I never did any of those things that made me who I was. And so that was even on a physical level, I’d lost sight of who I really was.
And that story brings me to another point I want to make sure I touch on today. Is that we make a mistake when we try to conform to others ideas of who we should be. We do ourselves a disservice every time we give into someone else’s judgments or opinions on what we should look like, act like, talk like. You are who you are, You are good enough. You are worthy. If someone can’t accept you for how you are, you’re not with the right person.
It never works out. I have never in my many years met anyone who was in a relationship with someone who did not like how they dressed or, talked or ate, or slept, or you name it. But I’ve never met anyone that was in a relationship where it worked without conforming when the other person didn’t like something about them.
Don’t change for anyone unless you’re breaking the law or something like that. Be who you are. That’s what makes this world such an exciting place. Everyone is different. Everyone adds something to the mixture. Everybody is unique. If we were all the same, life would be boring. Not only that, but we’d all be miserable. Who you really are is perfect. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different.
So search back for a time when you felt like you, and start getting back to that person. Start becoming who you know you are all over again.
Values, Beliefs, and Character Traits
Some other areas that you might consider looking at are the things that are important to you:
- What are your values?
- What are your beliefs?
- What character traits are important for you to have?
Your beliefs and your values are a big part of your identity. What makes you – you. So what are those values? What are those beliefs? Start questioning yourself in your life. What’s important to you?
During this process, it’s also a good idea to look at some of the values and beliefs that you have that you no longer want in your life. That no longer serve you. And figure out, what do you want to change those to? What kind of life do you want to have? What do you want your life to look like?
This is an opportunity to completely reinvent yourself. Try new things out, take classes, broaden your scope of life. Start living life.
If you’re still having a hard time figuring out who you are at this point, another helpful thing to do is to picture yourself when you were young. What was your personality when you were really young? What was your personality during your grade school years? What was your personality in your teen years, in your young adult life? What things did you enjoy doing then? What were you passionate about?
This whole process could be a whole lot of fun. You know, it’s a discovery. It’s a creation of something new. Try to enjoy yourself through this process. Enjoy discovering who you are again, discovering who you want the new you to be.
And at this point, it’s really important to start setting boundaries. Setting boundaries with yourself and with others to keep yourself from falling back into the same place you were before losing sight of who you are. You’ll know by the areas of your life that you rediscover. Those are the areas of your life that you need to put up boundaries around to keep them intact in the future.
Make sure you keep who you are front and center. Don’t forget about yourself. Don’t forget about you.
All right, that about wraps it up for today. Next week we’re going to discuss the topic that kind of goes in line with identity. It’s about how we define ourselves. How do you define yourself? so make sure to check back next week for that.
Expand Your Life Facebook Group
I also want to let you know about the new Facebook group for this podcast. It’s called Expand Your Life. I’ll put a link to it in the Show Notes page for you today. I’m going to start doing some videos, and Facebook lives on there for you that cover questions that you all have about topics that we’ve been talking about. And I’m just really excited to have the chance to get to know you all. I think a Facebook group would help in that area.
Leave A Message
And also check out the website expandyourlifepodcast.com. On pretty much every page of the podcast website there’s an area there that you can leave me a message with any questions or comments that you would like to leave. I’ve gotten quite a few so far. The questions that you ask on that I will also talk about on the Facebook group. So be sure to check it out. Be sure to join. I think that’s all the news this week.
Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast, so you’ll get updates and notifications when new episodes are released. Have a great week. Bye for now.
Thanks For Tuning In!
Thanks for tuning in to this weeks episode of Expand Your Life Podcast. Join me again next week where we will be discussing how we define ourselves
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