Where To Start Finding Your Happy

Welcome to Expand Your Life Podcast. This is Jc Jones and you’re listening to Episode 21. Welcome back everyone. I hope you had a great week. Today we’re gonna talk a little bit about finding your happy.  How many times have you said, I just want to be happy? What is happy? What is happiness?  

The Happy List #1

When I first asked myself this question, I wrote it down on a piece of paper. And I looked at it and I read it and it looked something like this:  

• Not feeling sad.
• Not feeling like crap.
• Not feeling stressed out.
• Not feeling unloved or unworthy.

And the list went on a lot like that. Happiness to me was a lack of unhappiness. I obviously knew what I didn’t want, judging by the long list of dissatisfaction in front of me.  

But I realized that if all of those things, all those problems were gone, I still wouldn’t be happy. I would be nothing. I was trying to get rid of all the negative feelings and circumstances of my life and focusing on that. But then what? It was then that I realized I was focusing on the wrong thing.  

What did I want? What was happiness for me? What did it look like? What did it feel like?  

It took me quite a while to figure out what my happy really looked like and to stop focusing on what I didn’t want and start focusing on what I did want. I realized I would never be happy until I knew what my definition of happy was.  

Happy List #2

So the next lesson I learned was that happiness is not found outside of myself. The second list of things I wrote down were mostly things outside of me. External things. Desires that I thought would make me happy.

• A relationship with someone who treated me a certain way.
• Financial security.
• A job I loved.

Things like that. But I was still miserable, and I was no closer to being happy. I think I actually went through a bit of a depression after making the second list.  

I remember feeling like I would never be happy. The things I put on my list describing happiness were dependent on things I felt like I couldn’t control. I had no control over those things. Those things I felt like I might or might not have somewhere in the distant future, if at all. I felt like this was just my lot in life. That happiness was something as elusive as winning the lottery. Only lucky people win the lottery. Only lucky people found happiness.  

But eventually I went at it again. I was nothing if not tenacious I guess, which is probably a good thing. But at this point, I was like, How the heck do I find happiness? What the heck is happiness?  

(And just a side note here? I learned through this whole process a really interesting fact. That if you give your brain a question to focus on, it will eventually find the answers for you. Your brain is pretty cool that way. If you focus on something that you need an answer for, your brain will go to work on it and figured it out. This has happened many times in my life. So try it out. It really does work.)

Happy List #3

Anyway, back to my lists. So as I was looking at my lists. I tried to figure out what I was missing. When in my life had I felt happy in the past? I’ve had moments in my life that I felt like I was happy. So then I made a third list writing those things down. Writing down how I felt during those times.  

And this third list looked like this:

• I felt good about myself.
• I felt positive and optimistic.
• I looked for the good and others, and in my circumstances.
• I felt grateful.
• I focused on the positives instead of the negatives.
• I focused on enjoying even the most mundane tasks, like washing dishes or doing laundry.
• I felt like I could accomplish anything.
• I was motivated.
• I felt good about how I showed up for others.
• I had boundaries concerning what I would and would not accept from those around me.
• I believed in myself.
• I had hobbies.
• I had fun. 

This list looked completely different from my first 2 lists. When I read over what I had written, I realized I had found my happy. It suddenly looks so simple. Why did it take me so freaking long to figure out? I had been focusing on the wrong things. Focusing on what I didn’t want. Focusing on the negatives. I was looking for happiness in the wrong place. Looking for external solutions. Looking for something or someone else to make me happy.  

But I finally had something to work toward now that was only dependent on me to achieve. And I realized I had control over my happiness. I was going to be as happy as the amount of effort that I put into it. And now I had a road map on how to get there.  

This completely changed how I felt. I was no longer wandering around looking for something I probably wouldn’t even recognize if I did find it. I was no longer waiting for happiness to come to me or feeling like I needed to win the happiness lottery to feel happy, or feeling like I was unworthy of happiness. I now had a road map on how to get there.  

Finding Your Happy

The fastest way to finding your happy is to actually take the time to figure out what that even looks like for you. Everyone’s idea of happiness is different. Have you been searching for something or someone to make you feel happy? Have you been putting off being happy until you are financially secure or for you to have a better job? Realize that those are not the places to find happiness. 

Happiness is right here. Right now. It’s right in front of you. All around you. It’s inside of you. Happiness or unhappiness is simply how you feel about yourself and about your life.  

Since the thoughts that you have create those feelings, that would be an excellent place to start working on finding your happy. So figure out what happiness is for you. Figure out what the heck your thoughts are doing. Where they’re taking you. Are they taking you towards happiness or unhappiness? Start making changes toward your happy. 

Ask yourself, are you enjoying your life? Are you upbeat and positive? Where is your focus? Do you do things that you enjoy?  

I asked someone that the other day. I asked them what they enjoy doing, and they didn’t know. They had no answer. If this is you find things you enjoy doing. Find time for those things in your life. Make those things a priority. No one else is responsible for your happiness except you. 

So are you supposed to feel happy all the time? No. It’s perfectly fine to feel sad or angry or any other emotion. In fact, it’s good to feel all of your emotions, So make sure you stop stuffing them. Make sure you feel them, but then deal with them. Deal with what’s causing them. You don’t have to stay stuck in them.  

What we’re talking about here today is the big picture of how you feel about yourself and about your life. When you’re unhappy all the time and you’re constantly feeling miserable, it’s because you’re not dealing with something. There’s something going on in your life that you need to deal with. That should be your trigger to evaluate what’s going on and realize that that’s not how life is supposed to be.  

We hear that so often. Well, that’s life. I overheard someone the other day at the local coffee shop here in town where I live and he said, Well, you’re miserable and then you die, and I felt so sad. I felt sad for him, sad for that belief that keeps him there. And even if he said it in jest, there’s always some truth in that when you say things like that. But those are common statements. Common feelings about life. We’ve all said something similar to these things before.  

So spend some time figuring out what happiness means to you. Look inside of yourself for the answer. And think about the impact of happiness in your life. What impact will it have on your life? What things will it change? Get excited about it and decide how much you really value it. How important you find it. How important you consider it. That will determine how much you really want it. And it will determine how much effort you’ll put into getting rid of the thoughts and beliefs that you have right now that are keeping you from your happy.  

Happy is supposed to be the normal condition. Happy is supposed to be easy. What keeps us from being happier? All the stories we have created in our minds about whether we deserve it or whether it’s even attainable The circumstances we have lived through in our past and the things that we’ve experienced have programmed us for unhappiness. But you’re not a victim of your circumstances.  

Find The Lesson

We’ve not been taught how to see the positive in every circumstance. Instead we’re shown how to see the negative. But remember, there’s a lesson in everything you experience. If you view every circumstance and every experience you have as a lesson, something that you can learn from, it would make a huge difference. It would make a huge difference if we simply changed what we thought about our circumstances. Negative circumstances are simply for learning and growing. But we’ve been taught that our circumstances should determine how we feel.  

If we’re in debt, we’re supposed to feel bad. We’re supposed to feel stressed out or like a loser, or like we’re never going to get ahead. But what if you looked at being in debt differently? The thoughts that you have around being in debt aren’t creating any changes. Try something different. Try looking at your debt differently. What can you learn from it? What can you do to create something new, something different? You are the one that’s creating the negative thoughts around your circumstances. It’s a habit. Try creating a new habit.  

Dream

Start dreaming. Start envisioning something different for yourself. Spend some time just day dreaming. How does the new vision that you have that you’re dreaming about make you feel? Who do you need to be? How do you need to think and what actions do you need to take to create that vision? Answer those questions and you’ll find your path. You’ll find your direction towards your vision.  

Your Focus

Start focusing on what’s right with your life instead of what’s wrong. Focus on the changes you can make, not on what’s out of your control. This will open up and expand your mind with possibilities that you never thought of before. Your mind will start focusing on solutions instead of problems. And remember, you choose your happy. You create your happy.  

So get cracking. Go make your list.  

That’s it for today. Be sure to check back next week, where we’ll be talking about the question: Who am I?  

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Have a great week. Bye for now.